Route1966

Taking An Indefinite Leave Of Absence

2006-02-02T07:39:00.000-08:00

On The Mend

2006-02-01T07:39:00.000-08:00

MR. Morticia finally ventured out into the world yesterday. He made a solo trip to the Post Office after lunch and we went to dinner with his parents. This is the first time he's left the house in five days. I am not designed that way!! I have to sit on the porch or go for a walk or a drive and get some fresh air at least once a day. If I don't, I suffer intense Cabin Fever {and inflict it on everyone else in the house}. Anyway, MR. Morticia is wondering why he still has five weeks of recuperation left and what he is going to do with all that down time ... and now that his office has informed him that someone else may need to use his work truck while he is gone, he is definitely considering hurrying back to work. The first time he shifts through all eighteen gears, he is going to get a reality check!!

When Left Unattended ...

2006-01-31T07:39:00.000-08:00

Mr. Morticia spent Monday home alone for the first time since his shoulder surgery last Friday. When I arrived home at 5:05 pm, he had a wonderful pot roast and mashed potato dinner on the table and my favorite sugar cookie candles lit. What a wonderful homemaker he is!! But traces of his true self - utterly and undeniably masculine - were only a few paces beyond the dinner table. A bottle of automotive Goo Be Gone was perched on the bathroom counter.

Me: Darling, did you Goo Be Gone yourself?
MR: Well, I was just so sticky.
Me: I'm sorry - did you say STINKY?!
MR: No - sticky - you know, from all the gauze packing and bandaging.
Me: You are supposed to use doctor approved rubbing alcohol to remove that, not an automotive product.
MR: I know, but with Goo Be Gone, the sticky came right off.
Me: Oh, you're off alright, cutie, but since you're recuperating I'll chalk this up to being overmedicated!! Now, what did you whip up for desert?!

Some Dreams DO Come True

2006-01-30T07:39:00.000-08:00

MR. Morticia always wanted an aquarium in the throne room -- and that dream has become possible thanks to the research folks at HGTV's "I Want That!" This little project should keep him busy for at least a couple weeks of his six week recuperation!!

She Never Said There'd Be ENTIRE Weeks Either

2006-01-29T07:39:00.000-08:00

I certainly hope that January is not setting the pace for the rest of this year!! Check out last week's events:

Monday = medical paperwork tornado
Tuesday = shish kabob disaster
Wednesday = unpleasant financial forecast
Thursday = a friend's cat attacks my hand/wrist
Friday = Mikey has surgery for bone spur (thus Monday's paperwork)
Saturday = Chompers the Pufferfish passes away unexpectedly

WHEW!! I am going to just sit very still on my little blue couch until February arrives with the promise of fair weather and fresh prospects!!

Mama NEVER Said There Would Be Days Like THIS

2006-01-24T07:39:00.000-08:00

Monday night, still in the throes of my cooking obsession, I made Chicken and Vegetable Shish Kabobs and Pineapple Upside Down Biscuits. The moment MR. Morticia arrived home and spied what was on the platter, I knew the meal was doomed. During the recipe reading and ensuing preparation stage, I was fully aware that he did not like bell peppers but I was delirious enough to assume that he could simply push the offending peppers off the skewer and not be bothered by them. I was terribly wrong.

MR: Honey, when I said that we should try some new things, I meant try new ways of cooking what we already like.
ME: You're joking, right!?! I thought you wanted to try new kinds of food. WOW!! This is the biggest mis-understanding we've ever had. I don't know what to do about it. I mean, I bought parchment paper, learned what a pastry brush is and how to use it ... downloaded recipes into my own newly created online recipe box ... subscribed to the Food Network Channel's weekly newsletter ... I am fully {and unexpectedly} engaged in this whole cooking thing and I don't feel like skidding to a stop before I've even gotten a fair start.
MR: I just want things to go back to the way they were.
ME: Nodding without speaking ... {Lord, if you can hear me in spite of all the vile names I am calling my husband under my breath right now, please keep me from mortally wounding him with this dastardly paring knife and remind me why I married him - just one good reason to focus on ... one itsy bitsy teeny thing ... }

A Giggle To Jumpstart Your Monday

2006-01-23T07:52:00.000-08:00

People let me tell you 'bout my best friend

2006-01-17T07:39:00.000-08:00

Quite by accident last week, the television remote control paused a full five seconds on the Food Network Channel ... and I made a new best friend: Paula Deen. You have her to thank for last week's Brown Sugar Conversation ... but MR. Morticia has changed from skeptic to well contented diner after a warm batch of Paula's Garlic Cheese Biscuits, which I whipped up last night after watching Paula do it at lunch time. Mmmm Mmmm Good!! I wonder if she she is adopting any grandchildren ... I'm fresh out of grandparents and my cookie jar is empty and you KNOW she can make the most heavenly cookies, the kind that melt in your mouth and shoot your blood sugar over the moon!! Now you KNOW I don't like to cook, so I can't explain this sudden fascination ... and the awful truth is, I have already been unfaithful to Paula. I have also watched two episodes of Emeril Live!! Is this what happens when you are quickly approaching 40 ... you find yourself familiar with such words as 'pastry brush' and 'parchment paper' (?!) because I didn't find that listed in the "Girl, You're Headed Over The Hill" brochure my doctor so kindly handed me last week!! :)

The Feeding Frenzy

2006-01-15T07:39:00.000-08:00

This weekend, MR. Morticia and the Mancub whisked me 60 miles from home to a secret location (which turned out to be a Pet Extreme Store in the valley) so that I could experience the 6:00 PM feeding of the store's Black Tip and Banded Sharks. The two sharks are each about 2 feet long and share a 12,000 gallon tank with a Chocolate Chip Starfish, a Bali Starfish, Eel and several small fish. They are fed by store employees who climb a ladder, grip pieces of squid in metal tongs which then are inserted into the tank through a small opening at the top. It was obvious that the sharks (and the eel) knew the routine because the tank went into chaos when the ladder was wheeled up to it. The Black Tip Shark literally attacked the tongs ... the eel rose up for his share as the BTS was chomping his and making another pass around the tank ... the Banded Shark is a bottom feeder and the employee was dutiful to extend the tongs directly to his mouth. There were about a dozen and a half shoppers pressed around the tank - all of us glued to the action - a strange sort of bonding happening between us as we witnessed the primal feeding frenzy ... it was so much more intense than anything on cable tv - yikes!! I gotta tell you - it was AWESOME!!!!!

Reason # 707 MR. Morticia Hates My Cell

2006-01-13T07:39:00.000-08:00

Me: HEY!! I know how to keep brown sugar from getting hard as a brick!!
MR. Morticia: Honey, I'm trying to keep the truck from sliding down a mountainside. Call me back.
Me: Do you remember when you were making me cookies last month and grumbling about the brown sugar being sooooo hard?!?!
MR. Morticia: Yes, but ...
Me: Well I'm watching Paula's Home Cooking on the Food Network Channel and she just said that if you put a piece of bread in the brown sugar canister, the sugar will stay soft!!
MR. Morticia: Yes, but ...
Me: And I got so excited that I had the answer that I could hardly dial your number fast enough!!
MR. Morticia: That's great but ...
Me: I am so excited!! Do you remember when I first saw Paula's Home Cooking last week?! She was making homemade thousand island dressing and I went and got the recipe off the internet and when I told you about it, you said if you wanted thousand island dressing, you would just go to the fridge and get it out of the bottle?!
MR. Morticia: ****!! I just slid 25 feet off the road!!
Me: Okay!! Have a good afternoon!! I'll see you tonight!! Love You!!

A Sister's Intervention

2006-01-12T07:47:00.000-08:00

While thoroughly researching every frame of Kuluri's site, I noticed that he was eating Tetra Vegetable Sticks. Accordingly, I became obsessed with finding vege sticks for Chompers. I drug MR. Morticia, CJ and Aquarius through 4 pet stores last weekend looking for those vege sticks and began to realize they were of such epic mythical proportion as to supersede the great white unicorn. They simply did not exist. Yet I had seen the container with my own two eyes.

Apparently my obsession was contagious, because yesterday, Aquarius forwarded me an email from Team Tetra in which she asked if they sold the coveted Vege Sticks in the US and to which they replied "No".

Still, non-plused by such a response, we have decided that a road trip is in order -- well, going all the way to Japan probably constitutes more than a mere road trip because if I am not too mistaken, there will be some air travel involved!!

You may make donations to our flight fund by cash or credit card!!

Clawed The Cat - Photo Op

2006-01-10T07:37:00.000-08:00

Clawed crashed out on my lap while I'm at the compter!!

A Weekend of Adventure

2006-01-09T07:33:00.000-08:00

Saturday morning, we embarked on a Geocache adventure with CJ and Aquarius. The photos below are from our third 'mission', just across the Calaveras County Line.

There was moderate walking involved ...

When we found the cache, we took a trinket and left a trinket ...

... noted it in the cache logbook ...

... and made our way back up the hill to the car

and a rewarding lunch!!

Shhhhhhhh

2006-01-05T21:46:00.000-08:00

The house is quiet save for the sound of three aquarium filters, a soothing aquatic orchestra of sorts. MR. Morticia is spending the night at the Stockton Sleep Lab and I am home alone, which has happened only three times in our four years of marriage. If he were here, he would point out that I have left him home alone for weekends at a time which I would love to debate, explain, justify and otherwise verbally volly with him, if only he were here ...

Reality Bites

2006-01-04T20:56:00.000-08:00

MR. Morticia: I tried making friends with Chompers the Puffer Fish while you were gone tonight but he hates me.
Me: Well, what did you say to him?
MR. Morticia: Nothing. I tapped on the glass and he darted to the far side of the tank.
Me: Duh!! You have to tell him sweet nothings and make kissie fishie lips if you want to make friends with him. Like this -- see how he swims right up to me!!
MR. Morticia: The only way my mouth will come into contact with that fish is if we're out of tuna and I am forced to use his scrawny butt as a sandwich filler.
Me: SHUT UP!! He can hear you. No wonder he doesn't like you. Poor little guy. He is going to need some serious therapy with such a brute for a father.
MR. Morticia: That damn fish isn't the only one in this house who needs therapy!!
Me: I don't have time to argue. Chompers and I have a play date with Kuluri http://amize.jp/kuluri/index_en.html.

New Year's REVolution

2006-01-01T19:50:00.000-08:00

Why MR. Morticia Already Hates 2006

A MONK marathon was on USA and I am a MONK fan (today)
My paypal account was inaccessible, so he had to register on digital scrapbook site and make a purchase for me (before the sale ended today)
He couldn't get email all day long (today)
Twice, when he asked me to bring him a Dr. Pepper, I accidentally brought him a Coke (today)

and the week isn't looking any better for him: Discovery Channel (one of his favorite television stations) begins January with a week long special titled: "Polyester and Platform Shoes" (January 2-6).

Clawed Celebrates The New Year In Typical Form

2006-01-01T17:00:00.000-08:00

Mandatory Memo

2005-12-31T18:48:00.000-08:00

Here we go again:

THURSDAY, he bought me a little green spotted puffer fish that I had been pining over for weeks.
FRIDAY, we had dinner with CJ and Aquarius, to celebrate her birthday, and I wanted to buy her a little puffer too, but they were gone and in their place were african butterfly fish, which although exotic looking, did not have the same appeal as a puffer, so we didn't bring any of them home with us.
SATURDAY, I realized that my puffer, whom I had named Chomper, had put his name into motion and chomped off much of my beta Sweet Pea's finnage. ACKK! So, instead of having a restful afternoon, we were busy with a plethora of duties which included, and this is the part MR. Morticia gleefully demanded I put into print, BUYING ANOTHER AQUARIUM in which to house the naughty nipper.

So, for those of you inclined to mathematical calculations, I began with a 1 gallon tank at the beginning of the year, quickly followed by a 5, a 10, a 29, a 2.5 and now, another 1. MR. Morticia's only hope is that we can count these last minute additions to our family as tax deductions!!

However you choose to celebrate, we wish you all HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Christmas Photo Op

2005-12-25T19:48:00.000-08:00

It was 14 hours and 224 miles of non-stop Christmas Eve Chaos!!

Thank you to each and every one of you for the good food and thoughtful gifts!! And a special thank you to MR. Morticia for the surprise movie date on Christmas afternoon - that was the icing on the cake!!

The Mancub and His Sweetheart

Aquarius (my favorite sister-in-law), the Mancub and Me

Me, Mom and my sister Jules

Me, Dad, Elynda and the Mancub

1 + 1 = ?

2005-12-22T07:39:00.000-08:00

Today, I cashed a $17.00 check someone had given me as part of a collective gift project. The bank teller asked me: "How would you like your cash?" I stared at her. I know she meant 'would you like a ten, a five and two ones OR a ten and seven ones' but it wasn't rocket science and it really didn't matter enough to weigh my options. However, it appeared to be of the utmost importance to her and so, I turned the tables on her by saying, 'whatever is easiest for you' (which, if you care, was the ten, five and two ones).

Five miles later, I entered a restaurant to purchase a $50.00 gift certificate with that same ten, five and two ones, as well as others just like them. The cashier said: 'I don't have a fifty. Would you prefer a ten and forty OR a twenty and thirty.' {Hello, migraine, my old friend} I asked her: ' Does your sister work at the bank?" She furrowed her brow and the idea that she actually had to ponder such an obviously facetious question forced me to loose my patience. I indicated that the twenty/thirty split was preferable ... and drove home post haste to safeguard myself from further human contact.

Aquariums R Us

2005-12-20T21:05:00.000-08:00

I recently took my mother betta shopping - and like a good daughter, bit my tongue and clasped my hands together in an effort not to be bossy about the selection process!! However, I need not have been worried because she made a wonderful choice and was quite tickled about the entire experience. She was especially thrilled to sign her name on the dotted line of responsibility on the adoption form!! So come on people, give a big shout out to Mr. Tumnus, the Betta!!

Flight Lessons - 101

2005-12-18T19:10:00.000-08:00

1. Extend antenna BEFORE launching plane
2. Stay clear of trees - if you think you are clear, think again and move out another 100 yards -- repeat this process as often as necessary
3. Stay clear of buildings - (see stay clear of trees for correct formula)

4. Bring extension ladder (refer to tree and building notes)

Preparing To Launch

Aftermath of Launch (straight into a tree)

colorbook view of launch result

After a spectacular death roll, the warhawk plunged headlong into the turf ...

We refer to this weekend's flying incident as "How To Spend $80 in 30 Minutes" and have nothing left but exaggerated glory stories!!

Fa la la la la

2005-12-16T07:15:00.000-08:00

I need someone to tell me that it is not just all some brilliant retail campaign ... because the truth is that I don't need one day a year to express my affection for my family and friends. I do it all year long and they reciprocate ... and that is enough for me. I'm not saying that I don't love the holiday traditions ... I just don't enjoy all the chaos of going broke and juggling schedules. Oh heavens, I don't mean to snow on your parade. I'll take another little red and green pill and wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday or Seasons Greeting - you choose what works for you!! Okay, that made me giggle. The remedy to everything that plagues me is laughter!! I love you one and all. Commence with the eggnog and mistletoe festivities!!

That's What Friends Are For

2005-12-11T20:33:00.000-08:00

I spent the entire last week helping my bosses prepare for a conference that ran Thursday through Saturday. By the last night of the conference, I was worn out, wrung out and hung out to dry. When I got home, I curled up on the couch and patiently awaited the arrival of the pizza boy and MR. Morticia. So there I sat, home alone on a Saturday night, when my glassy-eyed gaze fell on a little gift bag someone had given me earlier in the afternoon. I opened the card and saw the picture below.

The inside caption read: 'Friends To The End' and Angel and Fire had written little 'thank you' notes for all my hard work!! I laughed and cried all at once. Then I reached into the gift bag and found an adorable moose wearing a moose sweater!! Of course I laughed and cried all the harder!! The weariness disappeared like so much smoke and haze!! I over-tipped the pizza boy, lit every candle in the house, smothered MR. Morticia with kisses upon his arrival and thoroughly enjoyed the rest of my evening, which included watching The Great Race (with Tony Curtis and Natalie Woods).

I thank heaven every day for my friends!!

Tragicomedy

2005-12-02T07:39:00.000-08:00

MR. Morticia: Wow - my stomach is very unhappy tonight.
Me: You can't blame it on me. I didn't cook tonight.
MR: That's true.
Me: (unable to leave well enough alone): In fact, I didn't have any kitchen accidents tonight.
MR: Are you sure?!
Me: (indignantly) Yes!!
MR: So, you have already forgotten about letting the mashed potatoes boil over.
Me: Umm ... well there was that. Oh, and then this morning I made my hot chocolate TOO hot and burned my tongue pretty bad.
MR: Honey, you should stop talking while you are ahead. By the way, what is that sound?
Me: OH NO!! It's the popcorn I put on the stove - I lost track of time and forgot to put the lid on it!
MR: (following me into the kitchen) Well, the forecast said snow this week - I just didn't expect it inside the house.
Me: I'm going into hibernation. I'll be under the bed if you need me.
MR: Not so fast, woman. You going to blog this before you crawl into your cave!!