Mel Meets Morticia

A few months ago, we hired an apprentice embalmer. It's the first time in the 5 1/2 years I've worked at the mortuary that there has been another female employee. My BOSS was initially worried that I would be unhappy about the situation, as if I were some stylized Scarlett O'Hara who would tolerate no other female within a 50 mile radius, let alone sharing my desk. Of course, there was the one time a couple years ago that I threw a hissy fit because I couldn't find anywhere to sit during my lunch break ... and when the handyman at the time saw that my luncheon habit had been circumvented, he told the BOSS and the BOSS roared at the person responsible for the mess that my delicate little psyche had been tremendously disturbed by having to eat my lunch on the porch rather than on the sofa in front of the television and the air conditioner and that if it ever happened again, heads would roll!! After that little display, I learned to be VERY careful about whimpering for no good reason!

Anyway, even Scarlett had her Melanie and now, happily, I have mine {her nickname is even MEL!}. I bring left-over spaghetti for breakfast and share female necessites. She brings morning mochas (doubles with double shots of vanilla and extra whip cream) and a shares a variety of flavored chewing gum (which I am not allowed to purchase or possess on my own because I will literally chew through an entire 25 pack in 1/2 an hour - just ask my beloved Elizabeth!!).

A Typical Day at the Mortuary With Mel and Morticia

• Mel (after lunch): Do you want Bubble Yum Bubblicious or Very Berry?
• Morticia: Very Berry, please.
• Mel: Okay. Hey, I think this Bubblicious is supposed to be the best for blowing bubbles.
• Morticia: Go right ahead, my little airhead. I still prefer Very Berry. And I don't blow bubbles. I don't even know how to spit.
• Mel: Wow, this really is great for bubbles! I'll start typing the register book while you fold memorials.
• Morticia: Oh, thank you!! If I have to use that typewriter one more time today, I'm gonna ... THE DOORBELL RINGS
• Morticia: I'll get it.
• Man At Door: Hello, I'm ... my name is ... ummm (his eyes seem glazed over)
• Morticia: Floral deliveries are around back. The door is marked.
• Man At Door: Umm ... okay ...
• Morticia (turning around to Mel): That guy was checking you out!!
• Mel (laughing): No he wasn't. He was checking out my olympic bubble! I came around the corner to show you the huge bubble I had going. It was as big as my face!! That's what he was checking out!!
• Morticia: speechless with laughter